You Don’t Need to Earn Your Place in the Room

June 23, 2026

nervous system regulation, somatic experiencing

I used to go to rooms really uncomfortable.

And at some point I’d blurt out something about myself and regret it instantly. Then I’d spend the rest of the time trying to figure out. Do I retract it OR pretend like I didn’t notice?

It felt heavy. And I’d leave exhausted.

Not because the people were bad or the room was wrong. But because I had no check-in process. I didn’t know what I was walking in with. So my nervous system did what it does when it doesn’t have a container. It just… went.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. How much energy goes into managing a room instead of actually being in it.

5 min Quick Tips
Before Walking Into A Room

This is what I do now. It’s simple. It’s not fancy.

Sit with yourself for a minute before you go in. Car, outside the door, wherever. Just pause. Feel your feet. Notice if you’re already bracing. You get to know what you’re carrying before the room does.
Ask yourself: what’s one thing I’m actually okay sharing today? Not your whole story. One real piece. You don’t have to offer it. But knowing it’s there means you’re choosing: not reacting.
Soften your jaw. That’s it. Most of us hold everything there. Softening it tells your own nervous system something shifted. The room feels different when you’re not already armored.
When you walk in, look around slowly. Not scanning for threat. Just arriving. Let the space be what it is before you decide who you need to be in it.
Listen before you speak. Let the room tell you who it is first. Your body will respond. Pay attention to that response.
When you leave, check in again. Do you feel more like yourself or less? That’s data. Rooms that cost you more than they give are rooms you get to choose less of.

Why Are You Talking About This?

I’ve been experiencing this less and less as I walk into rooms. Before I would puff up my chest a bit and enter the room (that whole “fake it til you make it” idea). And I would pretend the whole time like I knew what I was doing. But now, I walk into the room not knowing what’s going to happen, but I know what my body check-ins look like. I can actually feel into what conversations make me feel “ick” and what makes me feel good to talk about. It’s become less about the other person or getting into a zone of impressing someone and moreso about what I want to connect on.

What it feels like to connect well. So I started building…

I’m building a space where this kind of showing up is the whole point.

Come join us for what I am calling “Mindful Conversations”. June 30th, a circle at my studio. Online format will be announced really soon so stay tuned 🙂